April 29, 2015

God had other plans..

The months of March and April ended up going very differently than anything I had even remotely planned for. Some time during the month of March, my mom went into the hospital because of a pain she was having on her right side. After doing some tests, the Dr. determined that she had some spots.. spots on her lungs, her kidneys, and a spot on her brain. Pretty quickly they decided to do surgery on my moms head to remove the spot on her brain. We then learned she had cancer.

We were told that the cancer was a slow moving cancer, and that April 4th the Dr.s would determine a treatment plan for her. After the surgery, my mom had trouble speaking... she knew what she wanted to say, but could not communicate it with us. This was something we were told would happen, and that it would come to an end and she would be normal again. After a little while in the hospital she was transferred to a rehab center. They wanted to get her stronger to deal with any type of treatment plan they would put in motion for the cancer.

Then one morning my dad called me.. he said that my mom had gone into respiratory arrest and had been taken back to the hospital. I went in terrified that I would get terrible news, my dad told me it was not looking good. When I got there, she immediately recognized me, smiled and held my hand. I sat with her for a very long time and was with her when they transferred her to ICU. I went to the hospital every single day to visit with her, most of the time she slept, but started to wake up more and more and talk with me, some of what she said made absolutely no sense. But I did my best to understand her.

Then. Saturday March 28.. I went to the hospital, she was doing so good.. She woke up within minutes of me being there. She spent all morning talking with me. I left for a bit, told her I would be back with Keith later on and she said "good he can take me home." We spent the entire evening with her, talking and laughing. The nurse told us that Monday they would be transferring her back to the rehab center. We talked about Easter, made plans to bring all the kids to the rehab center and somehow do a mini Easter egg hunt with her.

It started getting late, I told my mom I was getting tired.. she told me
yeah, go home and get some rest, I love you.
I told her I loved her and would see her tomorrow...


I had no idea that would be the last time I would ever speak to my mom.
I can remember not wanting to leave. Sometimes I wonder if I had stayed with her that night, would I have noticed something was wrong with her? Would the Dr.s have been able to save her if they knew something was wrong sooner? I think she knew.. I had said something to her about Kolton, and she just gave me this sad smile.. a smile, that I will NEVER forget. I asked her if she was still excited about him, and she said yes, but she looked so sad. I will never ever forget the look in her eyes.. the sadness in her voice. I brushed it off, but she knew. she had to know that she would never get to hold my baby boy. I had just been so sure, that even with her health, she would get to see my first baby..

Early March 29 my dad called me and told me that my mom had gone into respiratory arrest again.
I rushed to the hospital, but by the time I got there she was gone.

After that, everything is pretty much a blur, the services, the burial. Everything.

I will never understand WHY. I know there are some things that God never intended for us to know.. but I really wish, that she had just been given a couple more months.. that's all I needed. I wanted forever, but I needed a little more time. As much pain as she was in, I know she did too. 
















xoxo Jamie

February 25, 2015

Baby Bump: 27 weeks(which was last week)

soooooo.... I took the photo on time.
But didn't post on time. (I am now 28 weeks)

If you don't think pregnancy brain is a real thing..
you are wrong.
It is..
so this is all I can remember from last week.

back pain was less.
lots of pressure down low. :/
I got called huge.
I should have punched that person in the face.
bored.
bored.
bored.
+17-ish pounds.
Kolton kicks. A LOT.
even when I am walking.
who ever said babies sleep while you walk LIED.

That is about all I can remember. 



xoxo Jamie

February 6, 2015

Baby Bump: 25 Weeks

I missed weeks 23 & 24 weeks... the weeks keep passing faster than I can keep up.

In pain. pretty much constant back pain. fun.
Also, a new pain at the top of my abdomen..
 feel like I am being stabbed over and over and over.
Kolton kicks ALL the time.
found my ribs this past week.. ouch.
Sometimes he moves so much that I feel sick to my stomach.
I am hungry ALL the time.
currently at +14 lbs.
supposedly this is normal.
I will admit, I am NOT having fun watching the scale go up. :(
BUT
I am so very grateful that Kolton is growing.. :)
It's like a love/hate relationship with the scale.
We are moving into my parents house this weekend.
thankfully, Chris and Lisa are driving down to help us.
HOPEFULLY...
we don't end up living with my parents the whole time..
but gotta do what we gotta do.
Come on CCC get us another job and send us wherever we need to go!
(even though I would prefer Kolton be born here in San Antonio)
Oh did I mention Kolton moves ALL the time?
I think he might have 8 arms or something...
I'm getting kicked in the ribs as I type this.

I'm hungry. bye bye for now!



January 21, 2015

Keli is Nine!

Luckily again this year, my oldest brothers family still live close enough that they
were able to drive down to where I live and have a small celebration for Keli.
It was just Keith and I and my brothers family, but it was fun... and most importantly,
Keli said it was the best party ever.. (I think she said that last year too..)

This kid just keeps getting older...

Some photos from her little party... :) 
















January 20, 2015

Baby Bump: 22 Weeks

**posted late... again.. lol**
I am getting to the point where I keep forgetting how far along I am..
22 weeks just doesn't seem possible!

This week you are the size of a spaghetti squash
...I have no idea what that is.
We got back the results of your anatomy scan..
you are definitely still a boy ;)
& you are perfectly healthy.
&&&&
measuring a WEEK ahead!!
I've been having back pain, that I found out are muscle spasms..
they. Suck.
& Dr. says they may get worse. :(
I am at +9lbs.
I really need to start eating better. lol.
you have been SUPER active the past couple of days..
I was able to tell the Dr. right where you were to find your heartbeat :)
I have been super emotional... again.




xoxo Jamie

January 12, 2015

Baby Bump: 21 Weeks

21 weeks.. not much to say for this week.
(& yes I am posting very late)

This week you are the size of  a carrot.
I know for sure it is you kicking now..
you think you are funny,
you only kick when your daddy isn't home or is asleep..
but he did finally feel you kick once!
I'm not as irritable.. but still emotional.
We picked out your nursery furniture :)
actually, your daddy picked it out..
who knew he had such good taste! ;)
I can't wait to set up your room.
I hope you like animals.. there will be lots..
weight gain is teetering at +4/5lbs.



xoxo Jamie

January 1, 2015

Baby Bump: 20 Weeks

I can't believe I am halfway through my pregnancy!!
It is all going by so fast. I keep thinking things will slow down,
but time just keeps moving right along.

This week you are the size of a Mango.
We had our anatomy scan this week.
Didn't know I wouldn't be finding out the results until my next appointment.
..... so we wait ....
The tech did tell me that you are 13oz :)
You were real lazy during this ultrasound.
Pretty sure I am feeling you more.. I am still unsure.
but it's got to be you...
I have been super emotional this week. 
I cry over EVERY THING.
Keith says I am picking fights too...
Guess I am irritable and emotional.
I am eating more... and more... and more..
but, weight gain is still at +3lbs.
Trying to pick out a crib and dresser for you.
We *hopefully* are going to go look at one set tomorrow in the store :)
It's probably pointless to set up your room knowing we are moving..
But I can't help it.. I am too excited!!




Baby Kolton <3


xoxo Jamie